A Kiss Without a Beard is Like an Egg Without Salt

Every so often the ultra stylish men of smbu get the notion that growing some facial hair is a good idea. Days and weeks pass by, checking mirrors and glancing at shop window reflections thinking 'it’s just a matter of time' but it’s not. It is always the same old story. Just like half the teenagers in the Valley End, no matter what the effort of cultivation they are left with a disaster less Marvin Gaye and more Amish farmer. Too wispy, too blotchy, too pubey, too ginger. Always a waste of fucking time.

On the same note there are men at smbu who think they know what to do with a football, talk a good game, shout the odds, dissect intricate tactics and regale everyone with tales of heroism in pointless six-a-side games. They are just as deluded.

But there is a man who lives our dreams, a warrior, who quite frankly is too good for this division. He can be found patrolling the midfields of the fourth division crushing opponents and donning a beard that looks like he wrestles bears. Yet watch him carefully and he is nothing like the majority of clowns who play centre midfield at this level. He knows how to bring a ball down gracefully, make space, look around, bring other players into attack, pass sensibly, sometimes nonchalantly... er make intricate tactics look easy. Whatever. Spiky yet cultured.

In celebration jealousy smbu are proud to announce the sponsorship of Tommy Doherty’s away shirt. Now if ever there was a reason for the club not to pointlessly change the kit on away trips this is surely it. Do not bring him down to our level. Good luck Tommy.

19.02.2008. 17:01

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