Five Alive - Number Two

The Five Greatest WWFC Football League Haircuts

Five Alive is back with a heavily researched study of the best hair masterpieces of Wycombe players in the last 15 years.



1) Darren Currie

Where can you start but with Darren Currie. The buck-toothed relegation expert stayed loyal to the hybrid Hoxton fin/dot.com.mullet long after even the most dirge-souled media nodes had moved on. Currie’s hair was ugly but effective, the very opposite of the way he played football. Even now, scientists at CERN are attempting to discover whether his flappy mane was the reason that his corners sailed into the winter sky troubling nought but hawks and kites.

2) Gary Patterson

There wasn’t much to cheer in late 1995 as Alan Smith started to choke the very life out the club with his withered hands. But a live TV clash with Gillingham in the FA Cup gave the watching nation a chance to observe Gary Patterson’s magnificent set of curtains, swishing in the air like a slightly less offensive Ian Walker. Patterson’s long range screamer inspired him to lift off his shirt and run ecstatically towards Smith in what is now the away dugout. A freeze frame of that image now seems a hundred years old; Smith gainfully employed as a coach and Patterson’s swingy swingy hair. You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

3) Craig Faulconbridge

Craig Faulconbridge came to Wycombe as a talked-up but limited shaven-headed striker but the awaited flurry of goals never arrived. He fell into a routine of regular injuries and was on the long term list when the Sanchez era drew to a grim close. So it was a great surprise that John Gorman restored the ‘Faulcon’ to the team, even more so when people glimpsed his luxurious blond hair, shaped like something from the Chart Show Indie charts. He had reinvented his playing style too, now a wolfish creator supreme rather than a drab goal grabber. Alas, injury struck once again and Craig and his hair disappeared from the professional game as swiftly as they had arrived.

4) Rob Lee

Rob Lee is infamous among Wycombe fans for his dismissive attitude to the club once John Gorman had been relieved of his duties. Children across the county still recite “I play for John not Wycombe Wanderers” on Bonfire Night but you could not be so dismissive of Lee while he actually deigned to play for the lowly Chairboys. His trademark flecked side-panels of grey were easy to spot, even on murky days. At first glance he looked like a self-satisfied badger, and WWFC has seen quite enough of those in the 21st century.

5) Ian Stonebridge

Last, but certainly not least, is the most conventionally haired footballer to ever ply his trade in the British Isles. Ian Stonebridge was certainly not a man to take risks, either on the pitch or in the salon but he deserves a mention for the steely devotion he showed to keeping his neat head frozen in time. Patrick Bateman may have had his hair cut every two weeks to keep it just so, but Stonebridge had 2mm shorn off with a candle every three days. Like action man or a Japanese cartoon character, he looked the same every single day of his career at Wycombe and the fans loved him deeply for it.

Are there any classic do’s missed in this list? Add them below.

02.12.2008. 00:05

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