Focus On... Lincoln

SMBU soccer historian Paul Hunchback looks back at connections between Lincoln and Wanderers ahead of tomorrow’s game.

An Exhibition Match
The injured and wailing of Lincolnshire are urging Wanderers fans to come to Sincil Bank tomorrow to see a specially arranged exhibition match between Lincoln City and a crack Wycombe team, designed to raise funds for those affected by the recent earthquake that rocked the region. Organisers hope to raise enough money to replace some cups that broke and a mirror that may be cracked although it could be just a smudge. A WWFC spokesman announced today “we have ordered in an enormous amount of cans to drink on the trip and the players are in high sprits.” The club have also released a limited edition t-shirt with the logo “Lincolnshire 2008: My Dog Woke Up And Barked But Then Went Back To Sleep Quite Soon After” on the front. They are on sale now at the club shop for £200.

Roger Hunt
Wycombe’s directors will be boycotting Saturday’s game as a protest at unofficial county anthem ‘The Lincolnshire Poacher’. The folk song, which exalts the pleasure of stalking hare and deer in the dead of night, is understood to have enraged the Wanderers board, after they recently announced plans to graze deer on the Adams Park pitch during the week. An insider this week informed Hunchbackmedia™ that “the Wycombe stadium has woods behind it and quite clean toilet facilities making it ideal for hunting parties. Football is dying, the sport of the 21st century is venison hunting, it’s a shoo-in for 2012.” The club also plan to outlaw any Wycombe fans heard praising the art of poaching, with the strictest punishment being either season ticket confiscation or removal of the right hand.

Don’t Get Sniffy
Giant nosed striker Lincoln Mark Stallard will miss Saturday’s game after the former Wanderer, noted for his giant nose, was sent off in the Imps’ defeat at Rotherham last weekend. His suspension will cause Lincoln fans to hope for good weather over the next few weeks as his giant nose acts as a welcome rain shield during inclement home games. Lincoln city council have also recently employed Stallard as a human sun dial. He stands by the cathedral on Sundays and the shadow cast by his frankly enormous nose is said to indicate the time more precisely than the speaking clock.

29.02.2008. 14:05

Write a comment