Girls Of Summer – An Interview with Keith Bruiser

Read on for an exclusive interview with Wycombe's man of the year, staunch supporter Keith Bruiser.

Hi Keith, thanks for agreeing to this interview
I’ve always said, a man who shies away from a natter is a nutter. A nutter is a loner and loners kill. I used to play golf with Tony Martin before he moved to Norfolk. Lovely big lad but he wanted to live alone and look where it got him. Two bore up a young’un and he’s a media highlight. Not my cup of tea sunshine.

What’s the highlight of your summer?
Never changes, it’s gotta be the moment they stop printing the cricket results in the papers. That sort of info is for specialists and ballbags, I don’t need it filling up my daily.

What about other summer sports? Tennis?
Not since Henman retired. He was from the old school, decent side parting. That new lad, the Jock, Alan Murray. Looks like he brushes his hair with a rubber bone. Even innocent people jailed for no good reason still lick a comb once a day. No excuse.

Are you a fan of pre-season friendlies?
Not on the whole. It’s a fair drive from Kent so the game’s got to be a carpet bagger if you’re getting me up in July. Tours is different, I’ve always loved a tour. West Germany, yeah ok but it’s a short hop on a packed Flybe. I’ve got business interests on the Black Sea coast in Bulgaria and if the club want a twos-up with FC Cherno More then all they’ve gotta do is give me a call.

Any views on new Wycombe boss Peter Taylor?
Someone close to me said “Keith, we’ve gone for a southerner” and true, we’ve not got a penny-pinching, musky, loose-jawed, half-cocked ballbag northerner in the hotseat but Taylor says one thing to me: Essex. And if there’s one thing I can’t stand, other than home-made Balsamic vinegar, it’s Essex. He’s got a lot of work to do in my eyes.

Any advice for any younger Wycombe fans about to sit exams?
Don’t bother. I’m turning over €1.3m in Croatia and the only test I’ve had is the umbrella in Penge clinic. You can’t learn anything from a book. Yeah, clever sorts write books but they don’t read them. That’s the difference. Get what you know down on paper then go for a sauna and a steak.

Is it true that you’re working with Wycombe MD Steve Hayes?
Keep it quiet but next season’s gonna be a style revolution. I’ve been telling him for years that WWFC have got to be the first club to ban trainers, sneakers or tatty plimsolls in the ground. 4,000 people in brogues will set us apart and give the players a helluva boost. As it stands most look like they’re off to play badminton or wash the dog in a river. Simply not good enough.

Keith was talking to promote his new book “From West Wickham to West Wycombe: How The West Was Won And Where It Got Us.”

13.06.2008. 11:35

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