SMBU Hotel Complex

Official SMBU Announcement

Let there be no doubt about it. These are dark days for SMBU. We have pumped hundreds and hundreds of pounds into the relaunch, chasing the dream of one day winning the WWFC Fans Website Championship. But it’s obvious that it’s gone horribly, horribly wrong. We now have 97 fully paid writers – and they’re all terrible.



We have a CRM system so we can see exactly where our web hits come from – but we’ve only had FOUR visits from the North Korean market our Advertising Gurus told us we had sewn up like Sean Devine’s knees.

SMBU has attempted to share website with a London Wasps supporters site – www.mycockinyourpint.com - but this went horribly wrong after one of our publication dates clashed and we had to move an exciting 4000 word feature on Tim Langford’s dentist back a week in publication. This upset our core readership (Al the Pal) and he has a temper like neutered nypho. These are indeed dark times.

But there is great news on the horizon. SMBU can today announce the opening of the SMBU HOTEL COMPLEX. By opening this swishy, bishy, dishy establishment SMBU can once again compete with the likes of that Russ and his blog, Blue Quaters site, Chairboys On The Net and the all conquering Official Site. The SMBU HOTEL is ideally situated for all Wycombe fans, just off Lordship Lane in East Dulwich, offering superb views of plush Barry Road, and the Death Trap On Your Doorstep open fields of Peckham Rye park. Already home to Wycombe fans including Helen Lederer, that bloke out of the Carling Black Label adverts in the eighties, and Boris Karloff (deceased), East Dulwich is perfect* for Wanderers fans to stay prior to home games.

*2-3 hour journey

SMBU HOTEL COMPLEX offers: · Outside toilet · A sumptious post-war pre-fab building · Shared line telephone · Heating by district boiler house · Colour TV (fed by tanners, in lounge. Channel changed once a week.) · Aggressive, surly landlord with a big problem with modern day Britain he just can’t wait to share with you, and blame your kids for. · 97 full time staff. · Razor sharp bed sheets with wafer thin, token effort, floral pattern eiderdown for your comfort. · No parking · Whores · Doors are locked at 8pm, opened again between 6am – 6.15am, then locked until 2pm. Opened for a bit. Then locked.

This hotel offers SMBU a real future. The only future. Basically, this hotel is keeping us alive. Websites NEED hotels, not the other way round. Everyone’s doing it. Have you stayed at the Amazon.co.uk hotel? Fucking smashing, loads of books in the rooms. Sainsburys Hotel, Tesco Hotel, Greenwich Borough FC Hotel, Bates Motel, Hotel Motel. Even Hilton Hotels have set up new hotels to create new revenue streams for the old hotels. Holiday Inn – they can only survive as hotels, by bringing in a hotel. This is the answer to our prayers – our whimpering prayers. We have loads of ideas. By serving a “Full English” comprising of one sausage, some baked beans and a slice of white bread for £7.99, we can keep this website thriving, and pushing for the Website Championship in five years. And then there’s the whores. Lovely whores. Money spinning brasses.

So book today - £237 per night**

**price does not include breakfast/towels/bed sheets/curtains/carpets/prostitutes/wardrobes/pillows. Ask at reception for any of these. Unfortunately you may be told to “Howay and shite in a poke/Go away and shit in a bag.”

17.11.2007. 12:13

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