Stand By Your Men

Harry Secombe

Wycombe 2 Wrexham 1

“Sometimes it's hard to be a woman”

Wycombe make it hard for themselves tonight. Not by the lack of effort or incompetence that some of the fans accuse them of, but by being so completely on top for the first half.

They pass and move crisply, like Bill Nicholson’s love-children, for 45 minutes – very easy on the eye. They don’t quite rip Wrexham apart, but they don’t need to, because Wrexham, under pressure from the wind which is blowing the cars back down Hillbottom Road from the Valley End, gift them the opportunities to score. As the Valley starts to chunter about all the possession leading nowhere, so does Gavin Ward fluff a goal kick: straight to Knight who advances 10 yards and belts it back at the hapless ‘keeper with considerable interest. Like a Roy of the Rovers patented crowd, the Wycombe unfaithful bellow “thwaaaaaaack!”, as the ball hits the back of the net.

More minutes of complete Wanderers control follow, with Wrexham barely getting a kick, before a Robins centre back, trying to deal with another underpowered kick from his keeper, heads lucklessly into McGleish’s path. “He practiced this v. Darlo” choruses the cartoon terrace, as Super Scott jinks round the keeper and finishes assuredly.

“You'll have sad times and he'll have good times doin' things that you don't understand”

The ref is a bit of a throwback: the first foul of any significance sees the first yellow card. Hmmmmmmm … Storing up trouble? But never mind. It’s a Wrexham name that goes into the book. And then it’s McGleish’s turn, for a tetchy exchange with the Wrexham defender Hope, and Doherty’s, for a trip. In between times, we hit the bar to reaffirm our complete command of the game.

Frank is a spectator as all this unfolds, such is his team’s domination. And there’s the problem. Half-time discussion is a little about the rather wonderful display of passing in midfield from Holt, Oakes and Doherty supported by Martin and Woodman, but much more about how terrible Wrexham have been and how they can’t possibly get back into the game - can they? – and no wonder they’re bottom and how many can we score?

But hang on … isn’t that Dorothy’s house blowing by? And haven’t all the red kites and partridges been blown to Luton?

Brian Little’s obviously had a go, though, as there’s considerably more conviction about his side at the start of the second half. He’s brought on subs for one thing, including Sam Aiston. This causes some of the Wanderers’ fans in possession of a vague memory to wonder how a career could go so wrong as to see a talented lad playing non-league and, even when he can get back into the professional game, to be playing for the bottom team in the entire league. And Aiston proceeds to show the 80% without a vague memory what the 20% remember, by running at the Wanderers defence with the wind at his back and putting it under pressure for the first time in the game. Suddenly it’s not looking so easy.

A brief moment of Wycombe brilliance harks back to the first half as Doherty and Woodman combine delightfully to get the ball across the six-yard box for McGleish, who can’t quite get a head on it. But wind-assisted Wrexham propel the ball constantly at the Wycombe defence and the crowd lets out a massive Billy-the Fish style “Oh no, he can’t possibly …” as Proctor lashes the ball past a flailing Frank for 2-1. It’s going to be long last half-hour.

“And if you love him be proud of him ‘cause after all he's just a man”

And so it proves. Wrexham’s fans doggedly sing “Wrexham, Wrexham”, outdoing Wycombe’s for imagination, as their team surges forward.

All that’s lacking is a clear sight of goal. Too many corners, too much possession for the Wanderers fans to do much but keep looking at the clock, but no real goal-scoring opportunities. Yet.

“But if you love him you'll forgive him”

And then smbu’s own Tom Doherty, who’s had a good, good game makes his second bookable trip of the night, helping out the rusty Stockley, and duly gets a second booking.

Two perfectly bookable offences in themselves, but you can’t help feeling that this ref – Mr Penton - is out of keeping with those others we’ve had this season who have tried not to show their cards too early, some seemingly intent on going 90 minutes without showing any cards at all, for the benefit of the game.

“Keep giving all the love you can”

“Lamby” Lambert sensibly brings on “Lenny” Lennon to harass “Wrexy” Wrexham in midfield – “mutter … mutter”, says a dim part of the crowd. The sending off increases the pressure on the Wanderers’ defence and the fans start to make a bit of noise. Even the Tower of Silence breaks into a rousing chorus of “Come on Wycombe”. And the Chairboys see it through.

So – a wind-assisted curate’s egg of a performance. But not at all bad against a team in hard-to-beat form. And there’s a bit of a warm glow to the crowd shambling out both for the lovely football of the first half and the backs-to-the-wall achievement of the second – “something warm to come to when the nights are cold and lonely”.

14.03.2008. 12:20

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